The Top Five Cancer-Causing Foods

1. Hot Dogs 

Because they are high in nitrates, the Cancer Prevention Coalition advises that children eat no more than 12 hot dogs a month. If you can't live without hot dogs, buy those made without sodium nitrate.

2. Processed meats and Bacon

Also high in the same sodium nitrates found in hot dogs, bacon, and other processed meats raise the risk of heart disease. The saturated fat in bacon also contributes to cancer.

3. Doughnuts 

Doughnuts are cancer-causing double trouble. First, they are made with white flour, sugar, and hydrogenated oils, then fried at high temperatures. Doughnuts, says Adams , may be the worst food you can possibly eat to raise your risk of cancer.

4. French fries 

Like doughnuts, French fries are made with hydrogenated oils and then fried at high temperatures. They also contain cancer- causing acryl amides which occur during the frying process. They should be called cancer fries, not French fries, said Adams .

5. Chips, crackers, and cookies

All are usually made with white flour and sugar. Even the ones whose labels claim to be free of trans-fats generally contain small amounts of trans-fats.

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UNE SOCIETE SUISSE VEND SON OR Bonjour à tous et à toutes Une vraiment bonne nouvelle aujourd

The Main Causes of Liver Damage

1. Sleeping too late and waking up too late are main cause.

2. Not urinating in the morning

3 . Too much eating

4. Skipping breakfast.

5. Consuming too much medication. 

6. Consuming too much preservatives, additives, food coloring, and artificial sweetener

7. Consuming unhealthy cooking oil. 

As much as possible reduce cooking oil use when frying, which includes even the best cooking oils like olive oil. Do not consume fried foods when you are tired, except if the body is  very fit. 

8. Consuming raw (overly done) foods also add to the burden of liver.

Veggies should be eaten raw or cooked 3-5 parts. Fried veggies should be finished in one sitting, do not store. We should prevent this without necessarily spending more. We just have to adopt a good daily lifestyle and eating habits. Maintaining good eating habits and time condition are very important for our bodies to absorb and get rid of unnecessary chemicals according to 'schedule.' 

Greater Love Has No One Than This

A little boy was selling newspapers on the corner,

the people were in and out of the cold.

The little boy was so cold that he wasn't trying to sell

many papers.

He walked up to a policeman and said,

"Mister,

you wouldn't happen to know where a poor boy could

find a warm place to sleep tonight would you?

You see, I sleep in a box up around the corner there and

down the alley and it's awful cold in there for tonight.

Sure would be nice to have a warm place to stay."

The policeman looked down at the little boy and said, "You

go down the street to that big white house and you knock

on the door. When they come out the door you just say

John 3:16, and they will let you in."

BRAIN DAMAGING HABITS

1. No Breakfast 
People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level. This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration. 

2 . Overeating
It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power. 

3. Smoking
It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease. 

4. High Sugar consumption
Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development. 

5. Air Pollution 
The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency. 

6 . Sleep Deprivation
Sleep allows our brain to rest.. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells.. 

7. Head covered while sleeping 
Sleeping with the head covered increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects. 

8. Working your brain during illness
Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain. 

9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts
Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage. 

10. Talking Rarely
Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain 

What Starts with F and ends with cK ?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade"

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

WHAT IS LOVE?

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, And your voice caught within your chest?
 It isn’t Love, it’s Like.

You can’t keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?
 It isn’t Love, it’s Lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
 It isn’t Love, it’s Luck.

Do you want them because you know they’re there?
 It isn’t Love, it’s Loneliness.

Are you there because it’s what everyone wants?
 It isn’t Love, it’s Loyalty.

Do you stay for their confessions of Love, because you don’t want to hurt them?
 It isn’t Love, it’s Pity.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
 It isn’t Love, it’s being unconfident.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
 It isn’t Love, it’s Infatuation.

 Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
 It isn’t Love, it’s Friendship.

Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?
 It isn’t Love, it’s a Lie.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?
 It isn’t Love, it’s Charity.

 Then what is called love??


 Does your heart ache and break when they’re sad?
 Then it’s Love.


 Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
 Then it’s Love.


 Do you accept their faults because they’re a part of who they are?
 Then it’s Love.


 Do you cry for their pain, even when they’re strong?
 Then it’s Love.


 Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
 Then it’s Love.


But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you?
Then it’s Love.


Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
 Then it’s Love


Now, if Love is painful, and tortures us so,why do we Love? Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for? This torture, this powerful death of self?
Why? Because it’s…Love

Miss Universe

Miss Universe Beauty Pageant Q & A Portion

The FINALISTS :

• Miss America
• Miss Spain
• Miss Britain
• Miss Philippines
• Miss Iran
• Miss India
• Miss Japan

QUESTION : Ms. America, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. AMERICA : Well, I would say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. AMERICA : Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.....

(Applause!.... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Spain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. SPAIN : Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. SPAIN : Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. BRITAIN : Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors and Heroes.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. BRITAIN : Because it cries after every performance and because it is buried alive.

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. IRAN : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves
QUESTION : And why do you say that?
MS. IRAN : Because they always enter through the back door.....

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. INDIA : Well, I can say that a male organ in India is like a labourer.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. INDIA : Because it works day and night....

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Japan, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MISS JAPAN: It's like an actor in a stage play....because it bows down after every performance.

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ahh...well, opcors, hihihihi...I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis...
QUESTION : Chismis???
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy! Sorry... Its ano, ahh kuwan...it means GOSSIP in our language.
QUESTION : Hmm... Interesting comparison. And why do you say that?
MS.PHILIPPINES : Ayy...Dyahe!!!!Hi hi hi hi hi hi...Kasi....I mean because it passes from mouth to mouth..

(STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Reasons Not To Mess With Children.

A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".
_________________________________________________________________________________
*********************************************************************************

A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl: replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher: paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

________________________________________________________________________________

********************************************************************************

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or make me be unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

________________________________________________________________________________

********************************************************************************

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's  Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead. "

________________________________________________________________________________

********************************************************************************

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said,  "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run all run into my head, and I would turn red in the face.."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't all run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted,

"Cause your feet ain't empty."

________________________________________________________________________________

********************************************************************************

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted it on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Don't Give up

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality. .. I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light.
I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would
not quit." He said.
"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared
to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant. ..But just 6
months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."
He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots".
"I would not quit on the bamboo.
I will never quit on you."
"Don't compare yourself to others."
He said.
"The bamboo had adifferent Purpose than the fern.
Yet they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come", God said to me.
"You will rise high"
"How high should I rise?"
I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."
I left the forest and brought back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
Never, Never, Never Give up.
For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.
Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is,
tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

YES: Only great minds can read this

This is weird, but interesting!

If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too

Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 1 0 0 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it


FORWARD ONLY IF YOU CAN READ IT
Forward it & put 'YES' in the Subject Line

The Avalon

(Condominium For Sale - Cebu Business Park, Cebu City)

Concept

In 2010, Primary Homes Inc., one of the premier real estate developers in the Visayas and Mindanao, sets forth a high-end residential address in Cebu positioned to make a statement among the circle of elites.
Avalon, as it will be known, is a 19-storey cndominium consisting of 200 units with Modern-Asian architecture. It will feature first-class amenities to suit those meticulous in taste and will provide utter respite for a fast-paced lifestyle.
The name Avalon was derived from the mythical legend of King Arthur. 
It was a retirement island reserved for a royalty. And with that saying, this upcoming high-end residential address is exclusive for those who deserve a home spelled as luxurious elegance.
But the best thing about Avalon is that it awards the chosen few to rightfully own a residential property remarkably valued as a crown jewel. Being located in one of the most prime location of Cebu City, the overall value of the estate increases through time, so will your investment yield more returns ranging from 15% to 20% per annum. Add to this the proven-track record of Primary Homes Inc., with its years of experience in the industry, that is one of the key factors considered in appraisals by various financing institutions. 

2010 Nursing Board Exam Result

Below is the result of the 2010 Nursing Board Exam. This was released last August 25, 2010.



NLE Results July 2010 @ www.pinoyboardresults.co.cc -

Fonte Di Versailles - Part 2

Beach and Beachfront House & Lots - Minglanilla - Cebu

Fonte Di Versailles Beach Resort is the first neighborhood of it kind in Cebu.

Fonte Di Versailles - Part 1

CEBU BEACH living at Fonte Di Versailles
A SUBDIVISION PROJECT IN MINGLANILLA, CEBU

Rustling palm trees, scent of fresh mountain air and balmy beach envelope this 9-hectare discovery.

You can also laze around the lagoon or brisk-walk along the promenade. Or soothe yourself from a long day’s work at the Wellness Park or simply enjoy dinner with the family at the clubhouse by the beach.

This modern and Italian-inspired village by the sea is Fonte di Versailles. Fonte di Versailles captures rural and modern lifestyles offering natural and Paramount-provided escapades.

Facilities for quality and healthy living such as spa, tennis, resort-style pools and nature trails make up this whole neighborhood a melting pot for

wellness and diversion for the whole family.

______________________________________________________________________________

MAZARI COVE

MAZARI COVE - A  resort style Residential Community with modern Asian inspired development, a 3rd project of Paramount Property Ventures aside from Coral Bay and Fonte Di Versailles. It is about 500 meters from the Highway. A 6.5 Hectares with 371 units House and Lot and are 3 models to choose from.  The Enclave  an exclusive community inside Mazari Cove comprises  with 9 houses with bigger lot areas (from 230 sq m to 430 sq m) and this is covered with CCT therefore, Foreighners can avail to buy for it.

                    

Coral Bay

Live the perfect getaway. Everyday.
For those who love the water and sunrise views, Coral Bay offers such privileges. The Spanish Mediterranean-inspired exclusive tropical oasis nestles in a 1.5 hectare property situated by the coast of Minglanilla Cebu which is also just minutes to schools, medical centers, golf courses, shopping malls and other conveniences.
The project accentuates its balmy beachfront and wide water views of the Bohol Strait spanning over a mile along with recreational and lifestyle amenities that includes a multi-purpose cabana, resort wading pool, and a kid's tot-lot or playground. Coral Bay
Coral Bay - A grand and staffed entrance contains and secures this select community so you can enjoy the privileges here with absolute peace of mind.

Alegria Palm

CEBU, Philippines - Imagine living in beautiful modern-Italian inspired houses that are located just a few walks
away from the beach. Wouldn’t it be like a vacation everyday? This is what Primary Homes Incorporated’s
newest housing project, Alegria Palms, wants to offer to its buyers.



The newly launched four-hectare residential project nests at the heart of the quiet and cozy fraction of
Cordova in the southeastern coast of Mactan Island. The area is strategically located near the major beach resorts in the island, giving the houses a getaway atmosphere. It is also minutes away from neighboring schools, a public market, the mall and is conveniently near the hospital and the airport.

Primary Homes’ in-house architects designed the housing units which were styled to be more attuned to the natural environment with its earth colors and semi rough textures on the foyer and façade walls. All units don a common beautifully designed arched window molding and long spanned pre-painted roofing. The interiors are quite spacious even for the smallest unit, giving enough room to breathe with its large glass panel windows and high ceilings. What’s wonderful for this subdivision is that there are seven house unit designs to choose from to meet your specific lifestyle needs and of course, your budget.

With its elegant entrance, visible guardhouse and good perimeter fencing, Alegria Palms surely gives one a feeling of security. The development will have its own multi-purpose hall, basketball court and landscaped play areas.


Since Alegria Palms is positioned as vacation houses, it is being targeted to attract the OFWs, balikbayans and foreigners now living here with their Filipina wives. But then the subdivision is also considered to be really good for starting families. Model units of Alegria Palms are now ready for viewing located in the site itself. For more inquiries, contact Primary Homes Incorporated at (032) 253-8025 or visit their website at www.primaryhomes.com.

Collinwood Subdivision

Collinwood Subdivision is now selling "House and Lot" for affordable Cost. Collinwood is currently located at Mactan, Lapu-lapu City, Cebu, Philippines.

The Collinwood Subdivision is just across Gaisano Grand Mall, and a walking distance from the private market of Basak, one ride to Marigondon Church, Marigondon Beach, Marigondon Elementary School, Marigondon National High School, Mactan Doctor Hospital, Basak Elementary School, MEPZ II, Lapu-Lapu City proper, Lapu-Lapu City Market, La Nueva, Virgen dela Regla Parish Shrine, etc.

Check photos below with each basic info

Just leave a comment if want to know more about either of these houses.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Collinwood - Hermoso

Floor Area:   81 sqm.

Lot Area:   180 sqm.

Price:   Php3,515,000.00

Features:

• Master's bedroom with exclusive toilet and bath
• Two bedrooms with bedroom closet
• Two toilet and bath with stylish bathroom fixtures
• Deluxe ceramic floor tiles for kitchen, living and dining rooms
• Carport
• Landscaped front garden

__________________________________________________________________________________

Globalization

Subject: Globalization

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer:_ Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer:_ An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French
tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a Filipino, using Bill Gates' technology and you are probably reading this on one of the IBM clones that use Taiwanese-made chips, and Korean-made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries, driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, trucked by Mexican illegal aliens, and finally sold to you.
That, my friend, is Globalization

Dr. Jose Rizal Facebook Account

click here to view more screenshots

6.9 Magnitude Earthquake Hits Ecuador

Last August 8, 2010, a 6.9 magnitude earthquake hits the Downtown Quilto, Ecuador.

According to the U.S. Geological Survey, the quake centered the south Quilto for about 170 kilometers or 105 miles with the depthness of about 190 kilometers or 114 miles. It is said that the quake blunted its damage and last for about 10 minutes from 1154 GMT or 6:54 a.m.

GERMAN - JAPANESE - AMERICAN

Three men, one German, one Japanese, and a Kano were sitting naked in a sauna. 

Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager, 'he said, "I have a micro chip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a micro chip in my hand."


The Kano felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.

The Kano finally said... "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."

DEAR TECH SUPPORT

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of flower and jewelry applications that had performed flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled other programs like Romance 9.9 and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.

Conversation 8.0 no longer works and Housecleaning 2.6 crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix the problems, but it hasn't worked.

Sincerely,
Desperate


Dear Desperate,

Keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment program, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try entering the command C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME and install Tears 6.2.

Husband 1.0 should automatically run Guilt 3.0 and Flowers 7.0.

Be aware, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is particularly bad and can create SnoringLoudly.wav files.

DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. They are not supported and will crash Husband 1.0.

Husband 1.0 is a good package, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

To enhance performance, you might want to try HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.

Tech Support

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough,remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.   

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar  He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.   

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."   

CODED MESSAGE

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Saddam is still alive," Saddam decided to send George W. a letter in his own writing to let him know that he is still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:

370HSSV-0773H

George W. couldn't figure it out so he typed it out and emailed it to Colin Powell. Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA. No one could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA and the Secret Service... the list got longer and longer.

Eventually they asked Mossad in Israel for help. Cpt. Abe Cohen took one look at it and replied:

"Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down..."

THE END IS NEAR

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"

They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by.

From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"

Job Vacancy

 POSITION :

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
 Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

  JOB DESCRIPTION:

 Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

  RESPONSIBILITIES:

BIBLE SALESMAN

A sales company has particular trouble selling bibles. One day, a man comes in with a job application and says "l-l-l-l'd l-l-l-l-l- like t-t-t-t-t-to b-b-b-b- b-be a b-b-b-bible salesman, s-s-s-sir." initially, he doesn't want to give the job to this man, but decided to try him out.

After three weeks, the manager is looking at the charts and realizes that the newest guy is selling the most copies. Amazed, he calls him in to his office.

"You've only worked here for three weeks and you've already sold more copies than anyone else here! How do you do it?"

"W-w-w-w-w-well, l g-g-g-go up t-t-t-t-to th-the d-d-d-door and-d-d l-l--l s-s-s-say, w-w-w-w-would y-y-y-y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-b-buy a c-c-copy o-o-of th-th-th-the b-b-b-bible, or w-w-w- w-w-would y-y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-like m-m-me t-t-t-to r-r-r-r-read it t-t-t-t-t-to y-y-y-you?"

Daddy, It Hurts

This is A TRUE STORY AND IF YOU DON’T PASS THIS ON YOU DON’T HAVE A SOUL!!! 

My name is Chris ,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen..
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?

Top Ten Excuses For Falling Asleep At Your Desk

1 "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

2 "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."

3 "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

40 Years of Marriage

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.....

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GIRLS: What were They Thinking?

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind. 

When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around.

Mental Feng Shui: Lotus Touts

 There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious .. This Lotus Touts is from the Anthony Robbins organization . It has been sent around the world ten times so far .

Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully .
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to . As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other .

1. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want .
2. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it .
3. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye .
4. Be engaged at least six months before you get married .
5. Believe in love at first sight .

WOWOWIE Q&A PORTION

These are questions and actual answers of contest participants! 

1. Q: "Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?"
  
    A: "Umiilaw!"

2. Q: "Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao?

    A: "Humanitarian?"

3. Q: "Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga."

    A: "Ninja?"

4. Q: "Ano ang karaniwang kasunod ng kidlat?"

    A: "Sunog!"

5. Q: "Magbigay ng sikat na Willie."

    A: "Willie da pooh!"