Pre-Nuptial Agreement

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York.

The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.

"I'll only marry you under three conditions."

"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.

"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."

Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"

The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.

"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Poconos along with a 40 acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France."

The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"

The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request hat would be impossible to live up to.

"Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10 inch penis."

A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands.

After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador lowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"

Filipino Names- Naturalized US Citizen

 Macario Maldonado - Mac Donald

 Remegio Batungbacal - Remington Steel

 Victoria Malihim - Victoria Secret

 Bienvenido Jurado - Ben Hur

 Juanito Lakarin - Johnny Walker

 Federico Hagibis - Federal Express

 Esteban Magtaka - Stevie Wonder

 Jaime Bondoc - James Bond

 Leon Mangubat - Tiger Woods

 Eleuterio Ignacio - Electronic Ignition

 Burgus Bahag-Hari - Burger King

 Kasimiro Bukaykay - Cashmere Bouquet

 Maria Calas - Mary Kay

 Rogelio Dagdagan - Roger Moore

 Topacio Mamaril - Top Gun

 Restituto Pruto - Tutti Frutti

 Samuel Tampipi - Sam Sonite

 Veneracion De Asis - Venereal Disease

 Alfonso De Asis - Alzheimer Disease

 Francisco Portero - Frank Porter

 Diosdado Durante - Deo Dorant

 Roberto Controlado - Bert Control

 Marcelo Controlado - Muscle Control

 Carpio Llanes - Carpool Lanes

Julia Domingo - Holy Sunday

 Maria Pascua - Mary Christmas

 Ligaya Anonuevo - Happy New Year

 Ligaya Almundo - Joy To The World

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Part Time Job

In Tokyo, Japan, Domino's Pizza is hiring anyone aged more than 18 years old.and no experience required. They will also be the one to proved the uniform and salary offer is $31, 000.00 per work hour or 2, 500, 000.00 yen. This offer is only for the month of December of this year.

--->>> Read more about this story <<<---

courtesy of ph.news.yahoo.com

Breasts for $10, 000.00

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for 100 dollars?"
"Are you nuts?", she replies. And keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for 1,000 dollars?" he asks again."Listen sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?" So the guy runs again around the next block and faces her again: "Would you let me bite your breasts for 10,000 dollars?" She thinks about it for a while and says "Hmmm 10,000 dollars eh? OK, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there" So they went to that alley and she takes off the blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them he jumps on them and start caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them... but no biting. In the end the woman gets all annoyed and asks: "Are you gonna bite them or what?" "Nah", he replies. "Too expensive"

The 47 Year-Old Lady

A middle aged women decides to have a face-lift for her birthday.
She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply. "I'm exactly 47, " the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter
girl the very same question. She replies, "I guess about 29." The
woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47." Now she's feeling really good about
herself.

She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk
this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she
proudly responds, "I am 47, but thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man the
same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going.
Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a
woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put
my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you exactly how old you
are."

Best Web Cam

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at any moment from a remote viewing station.

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running and a remote computer with Online access, I can watch the apartment.
With the software and the webcam, I can change the settings to capture video,
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and expensive stuff in my room,
it only makes sense to have a protection setup that I can supervise whenever I feel that my privacy
is being compromised. If I owned a small firm or lived with roommates, I couldn't imagine
living without it.

Web camera software senses motion, triggers
siren, captures images, records video, and sends captured images by e-mail

Webcams
are fine for more than just making ip conversations
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The way that
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or using a video capture card for motion. After it picks up
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including triggering an siren.

A more popular software, though, is to either
send live frames of what is happening in the picture that is covered by the webcam
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Given the
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from intrusion or robbery.

Streaming live video and audio from capture device
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Surveillance application

If you find yourself with a need to record security video with a webcam over an area,

webcam
computer software

may be the right choice for you. Using this application, it is possible to set up a
camera to detect movement and begin recording when it does.

Depending on your needs, the sights and sounds that are picked up by the webcam may be stored on a hard drive, or if the captured video
needs to be available off-site, can be webcast using the server's broadcasting
function to a web site.

Depending on the quality of the webcam and the viewer's video card, the picture that is recorded may be as clear as a high-definition tv signal.
Using a install like this, it is possible to provide a measure of surveillance for an area when
the economics of the situation do not justify hiring a security firm or setting up a professional monitoring system.

This

do-it-yourself approach

can save money while not compromising on protection.

Honest Mistake

A DINNER CONVERSATION THAT WENT WRONG

WIFE: "If I died first, would you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - - silence - - -

HUSBAND: "Shittt."

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The Painting of the Son

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.

When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

About a month later, just before Christmas,

  There was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands.

He said, 'Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art.' The young man held out this package. 'I know this isn't much.. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this.'

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture.. 'Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift.'


The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection.

On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. 'We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?' There was silence. Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, "We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one". But the auctioneer persisted. "Will somebody bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200"? Another voice angrily. "We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Gogh's, the Rembrandts. Get on with the  real bids"! But still the auctioneer continued. "The son! The son! Who'll take the son?". Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. "I'll give $10 for the painting" Being a poor man, it was all he could afford. "We have $10, who will bid $20?". "Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters".

The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections. The auctioneer pounded the gavel. "Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!" A man sitting on the second row shouted, "Now let's get on with the collection!". The auctioneer laid down his gavel. "I'm sorry, the auction is over.". "What about the paintings?". "I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings.

The man who took the son gets everything!'

God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: 'The son, the son, who'll take the son?' 

Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything. 

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, WHO SO EVER BELIEVETH, SHALL HAVE ETERNAL LIFE...THAT'S LOVE 

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The Top Five Cancer-Causing Foods

1. Hot Dogs 

Because they are high in nitrates, the Cancer Prevention Coalition advises that children eat no more than 12 hot dogs a month. If you can't live without hot dogs, buy those made without sodium nitrate.

2. Processed meats and Bacon

Also high in the same sodium nitrates found in hot dogs, bacon, and other processed meats raise the risk of heart disease. The saturated fat in bacon also contributes to cancer.

3. Doughnuts 

Doughnuts are cancer-causing double trouble. First, they are made with white flour, sugar, and hydrogenated oils, then fried at high temperatures. Doughnuts, says Adams , may be the worst food you can possibly eat to raise your risk of cancer.

4. French fries 

Like doughnuts, French fries are made with hydrogenated oils and then fried at high temperatures. They also contain cancer- causing acryl amides which occur during the frying process. They should be called cancer fries, not French fries, said Adams .

5. Chips, crackers, and cookies

All are usually made with white flour and sugar. Even the ones whose labels claim to be free of trans-fats generally contain small amounts of trans-fats.

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UNE SOCIETE SUISSE VEND SON OR Bonjour à tous et à toutes Une vraiment bonne nouvelle aujourd